He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
