Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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