If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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