That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
