i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
