I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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