I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
