Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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