I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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