you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
