if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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