Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm too high and old for this...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
