There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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