Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
