dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
