My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
