For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
