Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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