I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
