You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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