The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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