just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You made out with two different species that night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
