Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
