it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
