His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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