I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
its liver damage thursday
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