The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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