I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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