there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why do cheetos always look like penises
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
