So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
