Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
