im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
