Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
