Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
