Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize