It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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