Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
