I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
