we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you never un-have a 4some
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
