someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
