The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
