On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
