high people should be assigned attendants
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
