How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
