So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
