Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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