my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
