Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
