Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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