our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
