who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
