I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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