You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
