I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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