Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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