Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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