What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
