We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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