hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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