My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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