i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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