stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
And then he peed in my hair
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