Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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