you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
