I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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