I'm really into asian looking animals
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
