Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
