'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
