Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
