hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
