I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize