ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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