I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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