He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
