dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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