we made out on top of his cat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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