Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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