so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
