If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
