I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
