I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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