I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I need a burrito and a hug.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
