Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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